that loving feeling

As interns over here begin leaving for snowier pastures, I’m starting to think how quickly this whole experience has gone by. I can’t believe it, and feel rather sad when I realize how soon it will all be over. I must admit, I’m not sad to go because I ‘love Zambia’ as some foreigners will attest. I’m sad because I have met some really great people (both foreign and local), love some of the projects I have been part of and find the culture to be quite beautiful. But, I’ve been thinking, why don’t I love Zambia?

I think I don’t love Zambia because, despite my relatively easy lifestyle here, it’s a relatively hostile place to live and showcases some of the worst human conditions I have ever seen. As a foreigner, I still feel very much on guard much of the time (because of general health/safety concerns and relentless mazungu comments). The city itself is a very business-focused, practical (vs. beautiful) place, with few recreational areas (i.e. green space, water). As a person, it’s heartbreaking to so often see the child labour, subtle sex work and desperate living conditions of many of the people here. I know this is just how the world is, and it is important to experience and acknowledge, but at the end of the day, it’s sometimes hard to see so up close.

Another major reason for my ‘lacking love’ is because I haven’t made the lasting, intimate connections with people here I had hoped to make. I think this has a lot to do with the difference in cultures, religion and politics between me and many of the Zambians I have met. On the surface this doesn’t seem like a big deal, but really, these differences permeate all facets of life (i.e. weekend activities, priorities, views on social issues, etc.)… However, despite my very rational explanation for not connecting with all Zambians, I must admit I feel pretty guilty for not having made more of an effort to get to know people.

Hm, so there. What a sad little entry. I’m not actually very sad, I’m just thinking about where I’m at. Fortunately for me, I still have a couple more months.

Overall, I am very happy here, sad to leave and have grown to feel quite at home.

Definitely not looking forward to the snow ;)